Sun Seed Community Podcast

S4E3 Internal Power

December 03, 2022 Goddess/ Goddexx/ Joshua Young/ Tiff Lin Season 4 Episode 3
S4E3 Internal Power
Sun Seed Community Podcast
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Sun Seed Community Podcast
S4E3 Internal Power
Dec 03, 2022 Season 4 Episode 3
Goddess/ Goddexx/ Joshua Young/ Tiff Lin

Que Beyonce's "MY POWER' song cause we are gettin' into it for the final episode! This episode was inspired by the conversations I had with my community about how we define power and creative energy. Some call it Asè, some call it Qi . . . what do you call it?

After this episode you might just find yourself wanting to reconnect with your own power. . .and check out Goddexx in their sparkly blue one-piece. 

Goddexx aka La Espiritista (They/Goddexx) is a performance artist, full spectrum life coach, and intuitive guide. They are the author of “Butterfly: Una Transformación,” a collection of poetry which provides a spiritual framework around the process of inner transformation through four phases of metamorphosis: release. renewal. retreat. rebirth.

Their experience of religious trauma has led them to a path of integration & celebration of the whole being. Through their work, they explore a variety of themes ranging from healing, self-love, sexuality, faith, intimacy, gender expression, trauma, reclamation.

Joshua Young(they/them) teaches guided meditation and emotional intelligence internationally. They focus on creating a channel for empowering those who work within therapeutic, caregiving, and wellness-focused communities. Joshua offers “Renegotiating Reality: Welcoming Inclusion Workshop” that serves to cultivate community by helping to define our roles as individuals in a community, disengaging from perspectives of separation, understanding our capacity to provide, and feeling empowered to make the best choices for ourselves and those around us.

Tiff Lin (they/them) is a queer 1.5 gen Taiwanese-American multidimensional mystic and artist living, playing, working in unceded Ohlone territory (Oakland, CA). As a Yang Earth Dragon, their mission is to help folx unlock their true gifts and have the courage to step into their own unique path. Tiff offers embodiment coaching and assist those navigating life transition and existential angst through the wisdom of BaZi Chinese Astrology. They are currently organizing in a few movements within Asian diaspora liberation spaces, Fierce Vulnerability Network, Resource Generation- committed to racialized healing, climate justice, redistribution of money, land and power. Their role within this greater revolution is to be an embodiment of joy, presence, pleasure, creation and inner abundance. To Tiff, life isn’t about what you do, but about the spirit in which you live. And they intend to follow that soul mantra while creating art and welcoming catharsis along the way.


IG @tiffrexrei | Venmo @tiffrexrei | website

IG @iamgoddexx | Venmo @iamgoddexx | website

Joshua | Cashapp $trustyourori | website




FB/IG: @Sunseedcommunity

Subscribe to SSC here

Show Notes Transcript

Que Beyonce's "MY POWER' song cause we are gettin' into it for the final episode! This episode was inspired by the conversations I had with my community about how we define power and creative energy. Some call it Asè, some call it Qi . . . what do you call it?

After this episode you might just find yourself wanting to reconnect with your own power. . .and check out Goddexx in their sparkly blue one-piece. 

Goddexx aka La Espiritista (They/Goddexx) is a performance artist, full spectrum life coach, and intuitive guide. They are the author of “Butterfly: Una Transformación,” a collection of poetry which provides a spiritual framework around the process of inner transformation through four phases of metamorphosis: release. renewal. retreat. rebirth.

Their experience of religious trauma has led them to a path of integration & celebration of the whole being. Through their work, they explore a variety of themes ranging from healing, self-love, sexuality, faith, intimacy, gender expression, trauma, reclamation.

Joshua Young(they/them) teaches guided meditation and emotional intelligence internationally. They focus on creating a channel for empowering those who work within therapeutic, caregiving, and wellness-focused communities. Joshua offers “Renegotiating Reality: Welcoming Inclusion Workshop” that serves to cultivate community by helping to define our roles as individuals in a community, disengaging from perspectives of separation, understanding our capacity to provide, and feeling empowered to make the best choices for ourselves and those around us.

Tiff Lin (they/them) is a queer 1.5 gen Taiwanese-American multidimensional mystic and artist living, playing, working in unceded Ohlone territory (Oakland, CA). As a Yang Earth Dragon, their mission is to help folx unlock their true gifts and have the courage to step into their own unique path. Tiff offers embodiment coaching and assist those navigating life transition and existential angst through the wisdom of BaZi Chinese Astrology. They are currently organizing in a few movements within Asian diaspora liberation spaces, Fierce Vulnerability Network, Resource Generation- committed to racialized healing, climate justice, redistribution of money, land and power. Their role within this greater revolution is to be an embodiment of joy, presence, pleasure, creation and inner abundance. To Tiff, life isn’t about what you do, but about the spirit in which you live. And they intend to follow that soul mantra while creating art and welcoming catharsis along the way.


IG @tiffrexrei | Venmo @tiffrexrei | website

IG @iamgoddexx | Venmo @iamgoddexx | website

Joshua | Cashapp $trustyourori | website




FB/IG: @Sunseedcommunity

Subscribe to SSC here


All right.

Y'all welcome. Welcome. Welcome to episode three.

Oh, season four of the Sune community.

Podcast .

I'm so.

Excited to have three.

Magical pleasure giving.

Bringing beings with me in this space.

This evening.

At least this evening in my time zone.

Welcome Joshua.

Young, TIFF Lynn and godd.

Gots. Thank you for coming.

Thank you.

See. Okay.

So how we usually start the podcast is just with a check in question to kinda.


Slowly tiptoe into ask, asking questions and getting to know each other.

And the check-in question for the season.

Is who are you bringing into the space?

With you today.

And anyone feel free to answer at any time.

I think that.

For me.

I'm bringing any and everyone who.

Has shown love.

Anyone who has like held my cheeks and said,

Some  anyone who.

Loves me currently.

They are here with me. Mm-hmm .

I love that. And when you said cheeks,

I did think of your face cheeks.  . It's both. .

Love cheek ride cheek.  all of it. All of it. Still very tender and precious, no matter, but she.

thank you, Joshua.

Initially the first being who came to mind for me. Was my Amita Rosa from Peru, who I wasn't very close to, but I am just coming back from an ancestral trip from Peru.

And she was my main guide there wanting to really. Support me and care for me and, and just show me some, the love that she didn't cuz she was like the stern grandma. When I was a, when I, when I remember her meeting her, like my Cuban grandmother was very like.

Loving and kind of like, you know, you're talking about like, given the kisses on the cheeks,

Not the those cheeks that you might be thinking about, but the other ones, this grandma is not like that.

She was very much like.

Her face was always very stern. So I was really scared of her.


But I guess, you know, when ancestors.

Cross over like, They, they sometimes learn new lessons and they wanna support you in ways that they couldn't. So that's who I'm calling in today.

Mm, thank you so much. Got it.

Out to EBITA. . woo.


this is TIFF Lynn.

I am bringing in the energy of excitement.


Really letting.

The part in me that.

Giving the part of me that like needs to know and control.

Things like a break and then bringing in the.

Entity of excitement and trickster and mischievous one. And yeah, the energy of a little bit of a, a joint I had an hour ago that I could still feel in this.

Space of like just us talking and having a casual conversation about power, which.

Brings up a lot for me in my system and also a lot for.

My ancestors who are backing me and also.

Seeing how.

Yeah, it's a challenging conversation.

When you're looking at like,

Thousands and thousands of years of like,


But also like,

The traditional, like filial piety.

Conversation. It's like, how, how can we access internal power?

For ourselves.

Despite that collectivist mindset. So a lot of, a lot of stuff,

I have no idea what I'm gonna say. Just really excited to be here.


I like that. I like that. You don't know what you're gonna say? that's the, yeah, same to be honest with you.

Thank you so much, TIFF.

Yeah, just listening to y'all and feeling.

Into what has been the past couple weeks.

I also am calling in.

Ancestors that.

That that are still like, they actively know.

That there was much that they did not know.

No , but what they did know.

And all the love they have left in them to give to me.

They're bringing it.

I'm calling them in and I feel that they are already here.

And just redefining.

What power is. I feel like.

Is such a gift that I'm able to do in this lifetime. But I did not do it without the lessons of my ancestors and what.

Power should, and shouldn't be.

And how not and how to build it.

So, yeah, that's definitely.

The, the lessons of my ancestors and the, yeah.

The ancestors that are ready to do that work.

I'm definitely bringing them in.

Not bring it in cannabis ancestor, but I am still happy.

You are bringing back  right, right. Thank you.

Time on here. I just had to experiment a little. Oh my gosh. I did.


So I was pretty high and I told them.

Before I did the episode, it was the episode.

With Phoenix, rain and poppy who are like my favorite.

Porn stars.  it's like I'm high for this house.

it was beautiful. I cried. It was great. So I feel you, I feel you.

Okay, let's get, let's get into these questions. Yeah.

So the first one.

Is how did you come into.

To understanding your own.


I love the look on some of y'all's faces.

Okay. I can go. I think it a vivid memory.

For me was like my sophomore year.

Of college. I was studying a, not studying abroad. Now this was, this was like a.

Work, not a work. It.

Regardless of what it was. My school had us go to Buenos.

Aries Argentina for like a short stint.

And I was at a club.

Just, I, I think something came.

To life inside my body where like, this was like a POS, like a, a space where I felt really comfortable being myself and exploring like expression due dance and movement and like,

Just joy. And I really, like,

I felt like my power or my sense of power came when I was able to just like catch the ghost in a dance space for the first time. If, if y'all know that expression, it just come out like full, like.

Unleashed, you know what I mean? So yeah.

Wanted to share that moment was really great.  ah, I wanna see you in one of those moments was so catching us.

Hear it? Yes, it so good. thank you, Tim. Mm-hmm .

So this is Joshua.


I think I wanna first say that.

I continue to grow in my power.

I have a lot of moments.


Life is happening and I stand in that power and then sometimes I need to rest.

And so I just kind of move in and out of it.

Yeah, as best I can.

And I think that.

Like the moment of stepping into it for the first time.

I don't think I have a like, pinpoint it was then.

But I think I realized.

That it was happening.

When I decided that I could start loving people in my own way.

Like no one, you know, it wasn't like.

Okay. When you walk into the room, say hello to everyone.

It was like, I decided, like I can make this decision.

On how I love and how much I give.

Love to anyone around me.

And that's where I stepped into it. Who knows how old I was? .

I love that I love.

How you like how you talk about power and not being like.

This fixed thing.

How it kind of ebbs and flows and how you can. Connect or kind of move away from it, or even like interact with it differently at different.

Times in your life. Yeah. Mm-hmm .

Yeah, I love that. I love the fluidity in it all.

And as you asked that question,

I was also trying to pinpoint one moment.

The first word that came was just like,

You know,

I found my power through sex or drew a crime temper tantrums when I was little. Cause I could manipulate my parents to do something, to shut me up, you know, but I was just like, that's that power come on. Like, come on. Like really didn't reel in.

I mean, it is power. It is a form of power. Right. But.

I was trying to go deeper with the question and what came.

To my heart and spirit was that power.

Is the choices that I have in any moment.

Like, even when it seems like I'm powerless, I still have a choice.

The smallest choice can be there. So it's like,

Changing my perspective is power.

A poem came to mind that I wrote that I did perform when you saw me. The last line is my love is limit limitless, but my energy is not so like,

Putting limits to our energy and the choice of how we.

Choose to distribute that in any moment.

. Yeah. Yeah. So, and then I also thought of a memory of me.

When I first started to exercise, so something physical, I thought a lot of physical things, I guess, but to get about when I first started to exercise and run. And I was like the slowest person. Well, the slowest girl at the time,


And I just was like, I'm not gonna push myself to try to go fast.

Like all these other people, like I'm just gonna pace myself.

And in that pacing, I ended up being UN varsity.

So I feel like it's just a great analogy because I think power isn't within your own pacing.

So that was one moment that I really recognized that I had power is like, I don't have to follow the rules that everyone's doing.

Like I can just like go in my own pace.


I like, I think that speaks to like a, quite a few people. just like what you said about pacing and just.


I'm still sitting with that. I'm still sitting with that.

I too don't think I have like one particular moment. Like, I feel.


My, the relationship with my power.

Is like any other relationship is it's like growing over time.

It changes over time.

I do remember being little though.

And I think the memories that come to mind are like,

When power was being taken away from me.

Where I felt like semblance of power.

In, in different ways.

Like being little.

And give my ass beat to be quite honest.  yeah. You know,

And like crying, but then.


Playing with like the shapes of the walls.

And the doors.

And like soothing myself and like self soothing.

And, and. Like moments of like,


My own space.

And, and realizing like, I don't, I don't have to agree to this moment.

Mm-hmm  I don't have to.

Agree to.

Participate in the way that like,

This person or these beings want me to participate?

And coming up with something else that is authentically me in that


But over time as I've gotten.

Older those moments.

Feel less like just moments and more just like.

Where I'm just constantly at.

Not saying that I'm always feel like this big powerful person who can like, just say, f**k you just anymore.  no, but I feel.

Like, I'm like.

What like leaning back.

Into the throne of who I am. Mm-hmm  like,

this is just who I am. This is me. Yeah. I'm gonna speak my truth. Sometimes I have to, most, most of the times I'm speaking my truth just to myself. right. I have to tell my own self my truth.

But that feels like power to me.

And that in itself, I feel like is, is.

A gift because.

The this world, like.

Not this world. I'm not gonna put this on the world, but societies, like, it's all about disembodiment.

It's all about disembodiment and not seeing that. So.

He'll let y'all say.

Saying, so calling in like, you know, who, who we brought into this space with us thinking about our loved ones, our ancestors, our lineages.

What are some of the ways your lineages describe power?

I feel like this is a really interesting question.

Because I don't know everyone.

Like in my family, there are many people who believe many things.

And so there's no like one pinpoint.


What the description is.


I think it all kind of has the same messaging.

Which is just like, whatever I'm doing.

It is to be within.

Myself. It is for me to figure out.

Life and.

How I respond to life.

And so yeah, if I can think of like, A pinpoint, like this is kind of where we've gone or where we've come from, then I'll definitely share that.

Yeah, I am. Yeah.

Definitely many different pieces.

But possible. Yeah. yeah. As.

As you finish what you're saying, got us about the embodiment and then asked a question.

What came to my spirit was.

How I've been so cut off by my lineages, both on my Caribbean and Cuban side. And they're very mixed.

So I'm like, I don't know what was power to them.

Some of my ancestors overtook my indigenous ancestors and like treated my African ancestors, like s**t, you know?

And there's so much conflict.

Within my like, body that I feel all the time.

And then maybe that's why.

A lot of my life, I haven't wanted to face like.

Certain traumas and pain, cuz it's so overwhelming.

And that's why I fell into addictions in the past and all that.

And then I was thinking.

About oh yeah, like a big influence. That in my immediate family, that like folks look to power as God .

That God, that big white God and sky, whatever father.

Are  so I'm like, oh yeah,

like that's what power was.

Cuz it's like so much power was taken away that like, well, just pray. Well, like, you know, pray to God and hope that something better will come from that. So,

You know, there is a deep connection in my lineage to.

You know, God or a spiritual being who spiritual beings that. Will support. And that's like where the power is and, you know,

I think.

For my story. And as I move forward, it's all about right.

Reclaiming that and like fearing out.

What is my spirituality without that religious.

Influence anymore. And like, you know, just.

Creating something completely new and fluid with it all. So, yeah, power has definitely been tied to the religious piece, which you know, is tied to.

The violence that so many of our ancestors.

Have faced, especially with dominant religions like Christianity.

And such right.


Mm. Mm. When you said I know her ,

I'm just saying like, right. Just pulls up. Like, I mean, any gathering she shows up though. Yes. Got it.

We feel you so hard on that one.

Yeah. Yeah, we're gonna circle back to that one. We got to back.

Yeah, I'm really like just moved by all these shares.

Because, yeah, I also was initially stumped at this question.

Particularly around the sensitivity of.

Bringing lineages and feeling very removed from.

Lineage all my life due to assimilation.

And our dominant culture of white supremacy.

See, but yeah, I, I feel.

If I were to tap into how my.

Parents have viewed.

Power. I see it as really.

A sign of like, for, for me, when I feel like they're in their powers, when they're in their most generous states.

Of like sharing food to.

Our family sharing, like, you know, having everyone come. Together. When we were growing up as, as children, we had like couple close families.

Come over to celebrate like big holidays and.

Yeah. There's this association of like,


As being.

Successful in some way of like having.

Their own gifts, shine.

To create a business.

And to then generate.

Opportunities for so many people.

In our little community.


And yeah,

I think that's something that I've also feeling and listening into is like,

How can power come from the spirit, come from your, your, your soul gift, your essence.

Jean your Chi your, your life force.

The shin, the spirit. How can that all mind, body soul.

Come together for.

You to feel like you're at a full cup and, and you just wanna give.

To the world and that it's not just your yours alone.

Yeah, I feel.

Like, I'm just exploring that right now with those three concepts. I said of Ching shin, which are the three treasures in Chinese medicine.

And wanting to.

Unpack what all of that is.

Yeah, I'll just end there.

to help you unpack those suitcase. sorry, trust you. Go ahead. Oh, no, you're good.

I was just thinking about something too.

I think that in my family, Power is.

Like the oldest mother.

Whoa. It's like.

Grandma and.

It like goes back.

So it's like grandma and then it was her mom and then her mom.

And it feels like.

From some point or like the point where people remember.

Like that is the stopping point or the starting point for power.

And so whatever they thought, whatever they felt.

Like transferred over and over and over and over again.

Each time kind of.

Getting diluted, right? Like society's doing its thing.

So like we can't hold on to that piece.

And I think it just continued in that way.

And I think it's still going. I don't think it's ever gonna stop.

That's a word.

Mm. Yeah, I agree with all that y'all have said, like, There's pieces of what each of you has said and like my own.


Like just like how my own people have described power.

I think in my most recent.

Like Loveline.

Power has been very imbalanced. Like there has been, have been people who.


Use their physical power.

And their, what they saw as mental power.

To and like social capital.

To, to.

Take away power from other people.

And, and then there's.

Been people in my family growing up in a cult.

Where like people agreed.

To their power.

Being taken from them and put in the hands.

Of predominantly white men, white men who were serving a white God. that guy that God is, God spoke about.

But then in those same people, I would say specifically, like with my mom.

I sell power in like how she.

Had this like, never, like she always showed us through action.

And through her words, sometimes it's convoluted.

I talk to my mom about this, like,

That you are always like worthy.

And you keep your, you keep your head up.

And if you believe something, is Justin right.

You fight for that, even if it's with your teachers. .

Like you.

Know like you, you, you, you hold fast to that.

So, yeah, power has.

Shown up been very different ways in my life.

And there's definitely ways in which I feel like it is authentic power.

Like that, that life force that you talked about, TIF, which like I wanna segue into.

Where it's sourced from our life source. And then this like illusion of power, that's really rooted and like whiteness.

Capitalism patriarchy.

That finds has just like.

Ran rampant and like,

Done so much damage, but speaking particular.

Particularly of the, the life force.

When you, when we think about life force, like.

What does that mean to you? How do you describe it?

Is there a particular word that.

That you know, your loved ones use.

And then how does that kind of connect?

No, actually,

I'm gonna stop there cuz I'll be asking too many questions.

That's I'll be asking too weird questions.

Well, you, when you originally said life force at that pleasure.

And like how power is connected to pleasure.

And I know we're all connected in that way here and.

You know, just thinking.

About like personally, but also like ancestrally and like, Just with my identities and all that.

Like I could feel so powerless sometimes. Right. But then.

I can have a small moment that I play with my gender. I put on some lingerie.

I dance it out. I feel more embodied. So like, you know,

That embodiment, that expression, that. Essence helps me feel powerful again, and like,

I've reclaimed myself in a way, right.

So life force, I feel like.

What comes to mind is pleasure, which is an expression.

That can, that is fluid and can shift, but it drew my gender.

Or like sex or.

Art or.

Creation just like full, full on creation.

That's what's really like present for me and. Really just exploring that, been exploring that and exploring that will continue to explore that for personally and professionally, cuz we f*****g need more pleasure and.

Joy in our lives, especially as like.

For folks who feel.

Who can feel so powerless sometimes, right.

I'll say to that. Yeah.

I was thinking immediately when he said that.

I was thinking about.

My family and most of them are Christians.

And so it's like the holy spirit, like that is power.


I've had many experiences where like we've gone to church. I've.

Tried to like, hear it. I've tried to understand it.

I've tried to feel it.

And I'd never have.

And I'm not sure if.

They just say that they have.

Or like if they have actually felt it.

But I've never felt it. And I think that.

Because I've never felt it before.

Like it seemed as though I did not have the power to. And it seemed as though I was kind of in the spot where I was powerless. I was very small.


Now it's like.

I have to be in search of.

My version of holy spirit.

Like, what does that feel like for me?

How does it feel in my body? What does it communicate to me?

And I think I'm still learning that.

You know, it can be.

In a word, it can be in.

Pleasure. I think it can show up anywhere.

And so I haven't quite identified.

Where that power is or where, what it looks like.

But I create opportunities.

And it continued create opportunities to.

Be in it.

Mm. Yes. .

Yeah. Oh, wow.

I think one thing that you had said, Joshua, that really.

I felt was like how you were in that environment and you couldn't feel.


You couldn't feel the thing that everyone's cognitively intellectually talking about and.

You know, putting the word faith.

Upon and.

Yeah. I don't know if this is just me.

Talking off of the question. The original question I believe was.

What, what is life force energy?

I feel like that's also tied towards like, just knowing what your truth is and knowing how to fuel truth in your body.

Like all signs are a go like your heart feels it.

Your mind fears, your feels it, your spirit, your genitals is like, yeah. I'm, I'm turned on. I'm a full, yes. , you know, occupy this to sex too is like, yep. My body. Isn't lying. It's it's on, it's on for business, you know, and if we can just equate that to, to life and the decisions we are forced to make.

The people that we're forced to, or not forced, but the people we come across.

For me, I feel like.

Being in my culture, collectivist culture,

I've had to like really reprogram that people pleasing mindset. And I still, it's still very hard for me, especially with partnership, like, you know, like.

Wanting love wanting to feel love.

Knowing that I hadn't felt that the type of love that I know is possible that exists in this world because of my own parents' trauma, but also like trying to rewire and figure out what that is for myself.

What unconditional love is.

And so, yeah, I feel to tie life force energy with love.

With vulnerable vulnerability with.

Truth. There's, there's a, probably a whole map here of, of many different things.  but embodiment.

Is really at the epicenter of that.

And finding.

That SAC connection to life force energy with creative energy with arrows.

I feel is, is what, why we're fascinated with, with.

Talking about pleasure and why it's so important.

Yeah. Can you share this math?

it's in my head.  excited out please, child.


Mm. Yeah, I.

I'm trying to figure out where to kind of.

Begin what I'm trying to say.

so Joshua, when you were talking about holy spirit and like redefining it. I had like pictured you like arms wide face turns up like so much joy and, but, and like all of.

Your life force all the, like the, the.

Hour the energy coming, like moving through you was from you.

Yeah, like it was, and it was just being sent out and like communing.

With like the greater, the whole, you know, great spirit.

Mm-hmm .

And as you were talking TIFF and like the God, this even speaks to what you were saying, like,

When I, so when I first was thinking about this particular episode,

I was thinking about like,

Energy like Chi ache.

Like life force.

And then kind of.

As the, the, the episode.

Started to move along. It kind of shifted in change, but it came back to it. of just like this life force. we, it being inherently us, like it's like at the very core of our DNA and who we are and how we came to be.


But like when I feel most connected to it is when it is that full body. Yes. When I am.

Creating when I'm dancing.

When no one's looking gets usually with no one looking


Know, like when I can, when I can fully have my arms. Open and my face turned up mm-hmm  and, and not give a f**k and just like have this channeling.

Of the energy that is inherently a part of me.

And commute with the greater whole.

And thinking about what you said about TIFF, about like,


And how to kind of.

Turn your passion.

And that power that you inherently.


To the, to, to benefits.

Like, you know, the, the whole.

And your loved ones.

That feels like the purest.

Form or like the.

Purist channeling.

Of that, and it feels like it would be even like, so abundant.

It's like not depleting.

Yeah, I don't know. What are your thoughts? Did I just get.

That that makes sense.

You were having your moment, like living that power go off.


Yeah, yeah. Thinking a lot about that.

Hmm. Yeah. Does anyone else wanna say any.

Anything, I keep going.

It. Yeah, no, I just, I like the term.

Just inner abundance as another way of saying power.


Yeah, absolutely. I think.

I'm thinking kind of, of like, okay, so we have inner abundant.


How would you say.

Y'alls like that, that life force.

How does it kind of.

Flow for you like God, you talked about in, in your creativity and sex and pleasure. How, how does it flow for y'all? Does it look like these days? I think the flowing shifts cuz it's like a river and it's fluid and sometimes it's like,

It's hitting jagged rocks and sometimes there's no rocks and it's just going.

Smooth. And sometimes it hits the waterfall and goes crashing down.

So I think it's really fluid.

But the word surrender came to mind, like surrendering to the moment.

And I feel that the most when I'm just like,

I'm just gonna be completely present in this moment.

I feel that when I perform poetry and I just like put on like my blue body suit, my Royal blue body suit, I'm like, I'm a butterfly.

I'm just gonna like.

Share and express and, and just be, I feel it when.

I'm playing with someone or like,

I just did my first adult film and that was really exhilarating. And well, not just today, it's almost a year ago, but it just feels like just yesterday.

Cause I was so in the moment  yeah.

You know, like that, just surrendering to the moment, even if you've like,

Knew it was coming and you've planned for it. Like, I think about that in performance, whether that's they'll entertainment or poetry and it's like, okay,

It was scheduled. I knew this moment was coming.

Things are planned negotiations have been made or I've picked out the poems that are gonna do it, buddy, blah. Right.

But I'm just gonna surrender and let it flow now. Right.

So I think like,

Surrender balance.

And balance shifts, which within each moment, just like that river,

I'm saying, and the fluidity and what's to come in the journey. That's how I, I access it. That's like a really simple, I guess, poetic way of saying it, but.

That's what came to mind.


We like, so for Ts map, we're also gonna have a picture of you and your one piece that's you're gonna be the blue butterfly.

Transportation. . Yes.

I live for that one piece. Every time I like get it, they get it.

I really feel like a butterfly in that blue one piece.

For the, for the book release, I had this beautiful blue.

Dress like gorgeous on, but I was just like, now I had to be free.

Like, I'd be free no way on me.

Was iconic. It is iconic.

Iconic and congratulations.

On the release. I'm gonna talk to you about that later.

I wanna see.

anyway. Okay. Sorry. Go.

Back back to the podcast at hand .

So I think that was the question, like, how does your.

Chief flow through you.

So I'm gonna take it from like a bot to the Chinese astrology perspective.

To share about my own natural rhythms through the animals.

That are within my chart, which is.

The young earth dragon.

So young earth being like the mountain, very stable, reliable.

Study, but kind of very slow.

To move in the sense that like slow to start, but once it goes, it'll just keep going and going and going.

It just needs to be written in that why and that purpose.

Totally like.

If it, my, my bouts of depression comes when I'm not. Attacked. I'm not feeling purposeful or, you know, have like a project I'm working on.

So, yeah, and that's one piece. And then I also have this yin wood ox, which is very like,

Conservative needing to know which.

What is the next step to take?

So those kind of, but forces cuz the dragons really. Also explosive and risk taking.

So what my, you, no one can see this  the podcast, but I'm like, these are really.

Interesting waves. I experienced like big sprints.

That could look like doing like a performance.

To leading a thing to organizing your retreat and creating something entirely new within two months. To like me passing out for the next two, three months and feeling like.

Like quivering and self doubt, like who am I? You know, but like also my body just needs to rest a lot.

For the next cycle. So I don't know.

My cheese is I'm constantly trying to understand it. I'm trying,

I'm trying to be gentle.

With myself.

Yeah, there's also a young fire tiger that like,

Actually, you know,

Needs a lot of rest in order to grow like hunt for the next thing.

And so.

I'm learning about what that is for me.

So I can just have fun in the process versus be so goal oriented. Okay, that that's thank you for listening. I'm like how, like, yeah, like one.

Helps the other get to the next part of the cycle.

Yeah. Yeah.

Just that.


I think the question for me, like in my mind, it's shifted just a little bit.


Instead of like, how does it flow? I've been thinking about.

Where it flows from. And so.

And this changes, you know,

Like I was saying earlier, like I step in, I step out.

And so currently this is flowing.

Through my perspective. Right? So through my eyes, I am seeing.

And this is how I am identifying like,

What is power and what is not, and what is pretending to be power.

And the second thing right now is like in my hands, like, it is like,

The active doing of something, the active.

Feeling of something.

That is where it's flowing from. Like, this is where it is.

This is what it feels like. And I expect that to change.

like is I'm like is not gonna be this, you know,

Full time, because like you said, TIF, like.

There's a rest that's needed. Right.

And I cannot put a strain on like,

This is it, you are, this is your job for the rest of my life.

Like there has to be opportunities to.

Rest those things. And then trust that the other things.

Also are just as important and also have the same amount of power.

If not more like who knows.

Yes. Yes.

When you talk about the act of like, in your feeling in your hands, that.

That that changing that like,

Power to change. I, so, so Asha.

Shout out, you know, Aruba. Thanks for the wisdom.

And like,

My understanding of us, Shay is it's it's,

it's the like it's our life force to make things happen. Mm.

Like it runs through all of us.

And I use that term a like that word a lot.

But I feel like in the last couple months, it's.

Like the word doesn't quite encapsulate. Mm. All of what the life force.

Is, and that could also just be because of my, like the only the ways in which I understand the word.

But like,

When I think of how power.

Flows. It feels so great.

And so immense.

That it's like constantly creating.

And dying and creating and dying. And I'm like this, this, this life force God, like for me, it's God.

Like God S like, like,

It, it, it, it is great spirit.

And so when I think of how it flows, The first thing that comes to mind, kind of similar to what you were saying, Joshua is like, what. Also you tip, like when it's not flowing and like noticing when it's not flowing, when it is flowing. Mm-hmm .


And how, when it's not flowing.

I'm usually.

Like fight against my own current, like fighting against my own Asha.

Like, I, I, I know.


I know how.

My, my spirit, my body is meant.

To express itself on this earth. And when I fight against that, there's just a whole bunch of struggle.  . And this is so blocked, but when I'm in line with it and I listen to my, I.


And I also honor the wisdom of my ancestors.

And also understand that I am an ancestor and will be an

elder, like.

I honor my own power.

That's when it really feels like I have this.

Abundance of, of, yeah. The channel is open.

That's like the best way I can think about the flow of it. Yeah.

There's something interesting.

That you were saying about.

Like Ashe. Right. And how.

We use it when we feel as though like we are in power or.

That our action has power behind it.

One of the things about. If I, where this, you know, word comes from where this idea comes from.

Is that.

First off it's misunderstood, right? It's misinterpreted from.

The jump and.

A lot of people think that like,

It is always just good.

Like you can only use this when good things are happening.

Only use this when like you feel good and when things are going your way.


The practice itself is not actually a practice it's philosophy.

And so one of the things that's.

That people kind of don't understand.

Is that it is expansion and contraction.

Right. So when it's expanded, like this is where, like all it, you know, all the power is.

Where you feel everything.

And then that contraction is like,

Where you feel as though it is just you, this is like reflective.

And I think that when people are in that space,

They decide there's no more power.

And so like, as shake can be used.

In both ways. And I think just like everything else, we have to teach ourselves.

How to like still be an appreciation how to still know that even rest is power.

And yeah, it, it takes time.

So try that.  like try that when you feel out of power. Then try to still be like, I got something I'm resting, but I have something. And what I have now will expand and.

I will bring more in each time.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

You're what you're saying. Like I'm,

I'm getting an image in my head and like going back to what gods, what you said.

Around surrender.

And then also about like community with TIF, like.

When we feel like when there is a surrendering.

Into the whole.

To the flow of Asha to the flow of.

That that inherent energy.

That's when we feel the most powerful.

Because we're more receptive to it, right? Like it's the, there's always a flow.

But then yes, when we are.

When we feel.

Less powerful. We also feel cut off from community. We feel alone.

And there isn't as much flow.

So that, that surrendering.

Even though sometimes it can be very scary.

Is so integral.

Role to reclaiming.

What is already there to be.

Ours because it's a part of us. Mm-hmm .


And just buzzing with all this beautiful hashtag and energy that y'all like have been just speaking.

Through right now and flowing with.


Because my Baba has taught me a lot about Asha, but you all have like, just blowing me away right now. .

As you were both speaking, I was just feeling into.

And it was just being a firm like.

That energy of when, like, you know, the resistance to being.

With uncomfortability or when things don't feel good. Right. And then it's like, oh, that I'm not powerful anymore, but that's part of the phase.

So then it made me think of my book with butterfly.

Like the phase is released renewal.

You treatment outlines how these energies flow and in retreat.

It's all about surrender to rest and surrender. To death, physical and not physical, like spiritual deaths that have to be undergone. So you can let go what doesn't serve you anymore, what you've outgrown, so you can continue to evolve. So I was just really feeling into that because yeah, like you said,

God is surrender can be, feel so good when it's like the.

You know, it's like the great stuff. Yeah. I'm with it. But then when it's just like, everything feels stagnant and you don't know what else to do or.

There's no more actions to take. All you have to do is surrender.

Like that feels really can feel really power. Powerless to people. I know it does for me, but that's the most powerful thing you can do and trust and have that faith that there will be an opening.

There will be spaciousness once you accept and surrender.

Into those not so great feelings.

The feeling of stagnancy it's like helps it like reignite and transmute. Right.

So I'm just really grateful to hear what you both said, cuz it's like reminding me of that power and surrender, especially when.

Things don't feel good. And the comfortability and.

The yeah, just the need for more presence and then acceptance.

And sometimes when you surrender to that,

J like it trans means really quickly.  like, I dunno,

I experience, but for me, like when I'm like, I'm just gonna, like, I f*****g give up. I surrender. Oh, right. Whatever. Then it like, literally like a few days later, the next week, whatever was that needs to move moves. And I'm just like,

Are you serious? Like that's all I had to do.

mm-hmm .

That's Hmm.

Have y'all like ever been in a place.

Where, you know,

That it's going to take the surrender.

It's going to take.

You stepping into.

Like you re accessing this, this, this power, this life force. Is going to take you surrendering and opening up in way a way that you're not used to, but you know, that you can do.

And you just like decided I'm not, I,

I choose not to do this in this moment.

Mm-hmm  like in this moment I need to be in this just a little bit longer. Like let me have my temper tantrum. Yeah.

Ever felt that.

All the time. I think all thank God all the time. Yeah.

Like not only is that rest for me.

But that is also like a healing time.

Like I got there for some reason.

And it probably wasn't like a good reason. Like, I wasn't like, let me just go here.

I was like ushered into that because of some experience.

And so, and that's space for me, it's like,

I'm gonna be here, resting.

And I'm gonna be in like healing in this space. And so when I feel like that process is done, Then, like the doors open up for me to be like, and I'm back  back b***h. Well, right.


Yeah, it is kind of like sickness, right? Where like,

You are sick. You do not feel well. And then. Like you go to bed, you lay down, you don't, you're not up doing all the stuff you were doing.

Is to chill ass down somewhere.

And then when you feel better, you get back to it. Right?

Whatever it is you need to do. Maybe making some changes,

maybe you'll wash your hands a little bit more. .

Maybe you were that mask that you're supposed to be wearing, like, whatever it is.

Like, you know, now what you need to be doing to.

Protect yourself from getting back into that space.

So mm-hmm .

Yeah, thank you for bringing that up. Like slowing down.

Yes, slowing down to actually listen to what the body.

Wants in the moment I think is to.

It's just strong access pointer tool to finding internal power

and resilience.

And yeah, and like, sometimes I'm like, well, my body really needs.

To stretch, you know,

Like, I think if I just stretch and like clear out.

The stuff and my chest that is making me so humped over and powerless or heavy because of whatever.

Got brought up in the moment.

I can like move my body to shake it out a little bit. And.

Feel what, whatever my center is.


Yeah. So just wanting to emphasize.

The power of slowing down to actually listen.

Is is definitely a great tool. .

Yeah. Okay. So we are almost at like the close of this, but I wanted to ask y'all one last question.

In regard to this beautiful conversation.

So, what do you do to fill your own cup and recharge?

Some of y'all have touched on it, but.

Yeah. If you could ex share some more.

I think that.

More often than I have in the past.

I've been receiving love.

I think that.

Naturally as like someone who has been raised by women.

Like I was taught to be like,

You give this to people.

And this is the way in which we'll always be accepted.

And so it's like,

Now I have community.

Right. And everyone.

Identifies in however they want to.

And they show up in the space.

Giving what they have, what they're willing to give.

And like right now, my cup is like, I don't have the energy to pour into it. And.

I need, I need bay support into it. I need.

Mom, I need grandma. I need whoever.

Is willing to.

Remind me that I have power.

And that it will come back. If I feel like it is not here now. That's what is that's, what's doing it and you know, like sex and video games and TV. .

Like masturbation, like what, you know, those things.


But yeah, I mean, it is the big picture is like, everything is a form of.

Me saying, I need love. And that's, my cup is full and I'm porn into everyone else now.

Gas. Cool. And run this  right.

Yeah, when you gotta lick it on the sides, because it's like worn out. a week. It's like, fill out you like hold.

I gotta get all of it because oh yes. . Is that good? the.

Imagery loving it.


I'm like trying to figure out what I do to fill my own cup. And then it's a lot of things, but I'm like, what is like the thread that ties it all together.

And, you know, I think.

What is coming to mind is pausing.

Like pausing.

Helps me fill up my cup.

Cuz I can be an overthinker sometimes. So if I'm like,

I'm gonna give this a break. So I guess it's.

Tied to like that stillness. Right. And like, The rest it's like, I'm gonna give this a break.

I'm gonna give this a rest.

And just assign my time and energy to something else. Kind of like the poem I mentioned earlier, like my love is limitless by my energy is not. So if I like keep.

Focusing with my love and my energy in this thing.

And now it's just going into this overthinking brain.

It's not filling me anymore.

So the most like loving thing I can do for myself is take a pause, take a rest, take a break. And that can look like.

You know, sitting by the river.

Meditation. Sometimes it's not meditation.

Cuz then now just continue my overthinking brain. Right.

Sometimes it's.

You know, writing, it can be so many things, but like the most.

I think the dread is just pausing.

That's how I fill up my cup continuously and like slowing down when I noticed that like,

I have less to give.


Love it. Love it.  yeah.

I'm just seeing how they're.

Yeah, how we can view rest in so many ways. Like sometimes rest.

For me looks like binge watching.

Netflix series. It's a problem.

Most likely a high school coming of age combo.

Never have I ever something.

Or it could look like going out to the dance. Floors and just getting into a cer and being like what happened after, you know, I feel really full after, regardless how much I've slept.

You know, and just being able to release some charge.

So, yeah, dancing.

Stretching I recently got into was seeing karaoke. Like, like not even going to a karaoke place, but just like YouTube being karaoke. like singing and dancing with friends.

A lot, a lot of classics, you know,

But yeah. Yeah, definitely anything.

That feels like I can discharge all the stuff that I've held onto.

That I am slowly with therapy.

And peeling and just.

My own support system releasing.

But definitely something for me that REM reminds me.

Of who I am in the different.

Multitudes. I possess. So.

Yes. Yeah. Fun.

Shout to that, like discharging of things.

Like that's what it feels like. Yeah.

Like need to get this off my chest  feels off my chest.

Yeah, I think for me, I really.

I, I honestly enjoyed my solitude. Like I.

I need, like, if I.

See two people in a day. The rest of the day is mine.


And this is you have to be physically seeing a person. We could be talking on the phone and be like, oh, well,

I'm done.

I also really love watching cartoons and like kid shows like I've been binge watching.

Arthur and detail is giving me life.

DW. Yeah. DW.

Is man she's she go hard on the pay. So, yeah, things like that, that like, just like feeding my inner child.



Yeah. Things that make me feel silly that remind me, like, Hey.

Gee, you can be silly. Like don't forget that feel so important.

Thank you.

Y'all for all the wisdom y'all have shared all the people that you have brought into this space.

Okay. So it's time. Like how do we get a hold of y'all? Where can we find y'all what you, what y'all be up to what's what's what what's on the agenda.

Well, you can find me at,

I am Godex with two DS and two Xs on IG.

And currently.

I am taking life coaching clients.

I have a three month container and I support people.

Through a variety of transitions in their life.

Usually it's folks who are wanting.

To come deeper into their purpose and also.

Things like their confidence or gender.

Or sexuality spirituality. So it's like, It's so fluid. That's why it's full spectrum, but like one client I'm supporting with confidence.

Coming into adult entertainment, another client I'm supporting. With their next step in the entertainment industry, they're starting to.

Really get known and they're needing to learn more about energetic protection.

And then my other client is transitioning out from one career to another.

So the theme like of my support with people is transition in life towards more pleasure and abundance and prosperity.

And I also perform poetry.

And if anyone as is at a college or university, feel free to reach out to me to, to come through. Yes.

Where can we get your book at?

Like your that's in my website. I am got, I am

The same thing, two DS, two Xs. Yeah.

Yes. Thank you.

Okay. So.

I have just launched a nonprofit.

It is dedicated to.

Ed education and eroticism.

You can find.

That at.

Afro erotic

And in that space, you can.

Poke around and see what's happening.

See what it is that we need.

And then sign up to get more information, like as we continue to develop.

As we continue to have offerings. Those are for you.

Like we are working. So you have those things.

Contact pages there.

Like I receive the emails on my phone and I say, what's up to people.  like,

It is a thing like you are not just, you know, dropping in a message, like.

I'm here. I'm talking to you.

This is the thing that I love. I do it like while I'm working.


Like that's,

I relate on the phone doing emails while I'm supposed to be working, but.

I'm doing the work either way.

Yes. I'm so excited for this. Like I'm so ready. I'm so ready.

And also shout out to you.

Thank you so much for being one of the facilitators for house of all

Lacoon through ACOR. Yeah. Thank you.

Just be blessed by you, right.

Okay. So.

I checked out your website. Joshua. I love that was so nice.

It's so cute.

I already got it. Oh, my. So, thank thank you so much goddess for just connecting us all together.

I just wanna say that my card is like really full right now.

You can find me.

At my Instagram is TIF Rex Ray, T a F F R E X,

R E. I.

And my website is Tiffany Lynn dot.

And yeah, for the.

For a while now, my main, main offering main gig main passion is. Helping people navigate their unique gifts, their unique essence and blueprint through the lens of Chinese astrology bots.

And yeah, I I'm, I've been working in a tea tea, a beautiful tea shop in Berkeley. If anyone's listening is in that op. Like east bay area, you can definitely have an in-person session with me, or I do online ritual readings as well.

And that comes with the embodiment coaching.

How do you actually really fully.

Integrate the lessons.

That all of the five elements and the 12 animals have to share as far as how you navigate.

Life and your reality and how you self motivate yourself. What.

Are kind of the tools you can use to really fully.

Feel your natural pace.

Even with, you know, the.

Craziness of what the world is going through.

So, yeah, just different containers that.

Are kind of like a case by case assessment for what you're going through and what you're your goals and desires are.

And at the moment, there's no.

Performance art things that I'm like.

Attaching myself to yet, but I'm,

I'm very inspired by everyone here and like, Feeling called to do something again, just like create something from nothing. .

Yeah, thank you all.

Mm. Yes. Yes, yes I, okay.

So I didn't realize that you were also like working at the tee shop cause I know you were doing stuff like, oh, okay.

I would love to come get tea.  oh my God.

Work with you so wonderful. absolutely wonderful.

All right. Y'all well, It's time to say goodbye.

But before we go, what's.

Like, what is your heart caring with you?

Into this great big war.

Owning it.

Yeah, I know exactly what I want.

And pretending that I don't is.


And so like owning it, like I know what I want. And.

Even if I'm denied that for whatever reason.

That doesn't matter me knowing it matters.

Yes. I love that. Like, yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

I love that. I think for me, it's similar.

The word confidence came to mind.

Like just embodying confidence.

But then I was like, what does embodying confidence look like?

And it looks like so many ways, but I think.

Something I've been really, really working on and.

Trying to integrate into my life is trusting more like self trust. Trust in others, but this time with a discernment as well. So, you know,

Sometimes people don't deserve your trust. I used to be that person was really big, open hearted, and I still have a big open heart. Don't worry. But like have learned that like, you know, the limits, the boundaries are necessary, those swinging door, rather than like completely walled up, up, or completely vulnerable and exposed.

So, yeah. Trust and confidence.

Yes. Yes. That balance that like, and it's not even, it's like this dance.

Between like, you know, where you're open and where you're not and being okay with that. Yes.

I feel that mm-hmm  mm-hmm .

Yeah, I love that.

Yeah, I think for me, it, I I'm.

Feeling into like play curiosity.


Yeah, really wanting to play.

With the.

The material that I'm learning that can come very like cerebral and.

Like almost like, yeah, like esoteric.

And like really bringing that more into this physical world.

Worlds and playing with art and different mediums to really.

Begin to.

Express, and maybe it's not even words and maybe it's movement.

Something that people who.

Learn and take in.

And really information land.

Differently, generally access. So.

Yeah, but for, for.

Of that to say is like, I need to explore.

Different versions of play to access that for myself. So. Yes. I have like hearing, like playing with just life mm-hmm  like, can you just sort of playful person at heart? So I feel that. Yeah, I'm just, I'm taking, we GRA like definitely gratitude for this conversation and for the spark.

But it just feels like AF affirming this conversation.

I was just like,

It's good.  like, you, you good? Like you, you in the right, you go on the right direction. Like.

Yeah. So I'm, I'm taking.

Gratitude for the affirmation gratitude for your wisdom.

And yeah, that, you know, It's gonna be all right. .

So, thank you so much. Y'all.